Since this is the 10th anniversary of 2001, I thought this would bear repeating.  Merry Christmas, one and all!

December2001

Looking on the Sunnyside

For this Holiday Season of the unforgettable year, 2001, I have two thoughts. The first is summarized by this quote: In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich. -Dietrich Bonhoeffer. The second is that in the keeping of our own personal traditions, we can create a kind of security for our lives.

In ordinary life, I think the gifts Bonhoeffer is talking about are not presents from others, but gifts that are received by virtue of being alive. A blue sky, the cardinal at the feeder, a warm day’s reprieve in winter, the crackle of a warm fire, the fragrance of a rose. I hope that you have no difficulty in adding to my short list. Of course, try as we might, these are gifts can only be repaid in kind. One would have to be constantly aware to even begin to give at the rate that we receive these gifts that have no monetary value, but are at the same time priceless. And, it is these priceless gifts that account for the true wealth in anyone’s life. But, without the acknowledgment of the gift, the conscious choice to be grateful, the coffers of life will remain empty.

We live in a time of fear. Many are depressed, unable to find joy to light up their dark days. The fear is founded on fact. It’s always been easy to be afraid. Now, it’s harder to decide not to be. I believe that is what it takes - a conscious decision to not be - in order to conquer our fears. Some fear is good, of course. It keeps us from jumping in over our heads when we can’t swim. But, it shouldn’t keep us from looking around for a pair of water wings. Those gifts I mentioned before. They are my water wings. When I become afraid, I try to shake myself and look around. I am then reminded that even in the most dangerous of times, life goes on. Beauty happens all around the danger and the strife. Whatever possessions I think I have to lose or think I need are not priceless. What gifts I have that I cannot lose are.

Often depression is diagnosed as a chemical inbalance. I think that in some cases, depression might come first as a sadness that remains long enough to actually change our brain chemistry, bringing on a chemical imbalance requiring drugs to shake it off. It’s a fact that happy thoughts alter the brain chemistry and can actually help the physical body to heal itself. I expect the reverse is true. I think some could be saved from deep depression if they could teach themselves to be grateful for the priceless gifts.

If being grateful makes us rich, giving back in kind makes us even richer. Try it when you’re out shopping. Give a smile to the check-out operator. Be prepared! She may not smile back. Let someone out into traffic even when your in a hurry. You’ll get there just as quick, I promise. When you are out of time and running late, stop and take time to give a gift of yourself. Read someone a story, give a hug. Give a priceless gift and it will come back to you.

One thing I fear is the loss of tradition. While many may not think they need tradition, I’ll bet there are things they do repetitively without thinking of them as tradition. Like reading the paper every day with their morning coffee. Like tucking their children in at night. Like planting the same color marigolds in their garden year after year.

My traditions are a bit more obsessive. My days are varied and without much form. I don’t need regular meal times or much of a schedule. But, I do need proper English tea and I’ll go to great lengths to get it. I need it in a pot, with a proper biscuit any afternoon that I am home in my nest. I need my children with me on Thanksgiving even if I have to move the day. I need my ritual unpacking of three generations of Christmas ornaments. I’m not opposed to adding a new tradition, but to take one away, obsessive or not, is to go through withdrawal. A few years ago, we stopped having a New Year’s Eve Party. It had been our most looked forward to social event for many years. Any where from 50 to 75 friends and acquaintances, some my husband almost picked up off the street, would grace our door. Life got too complicated and we dropped back to a few couples and then last year accepted an invitation to go out. It still doesn’t feel right. My husband is still in withdrawal. Even though the evening out was lovely, there is loss in the passing of a tradition. I made Christmas wreaths the other day. For years I have gotten together with a friend and made wreaths. The friends have changed, but the tradition has remained and my Christmas spirit doesn’t officially kick in until I smell the fragrance of crushed balsam needles at hand.

I noticed that when I began to plan Thanksgiving dinner I felt really good for the first time in awhile. I had to clean for days, the outdoor chores of summer and fall don’t give me much time to attend to details inside. I loved it. Then, I made all those pies. Too many pies, but it felt good. Not only does the carrying out of my traditions give me something positive to focus on, it creates an atmosphere around me that is the same as it was last year and the year before and the year before that. Those were better times. More secure times. The repeating of tasks, whether they be daily duties and habits or annual rituals and events creates a world around us that we can control, that feels safe by way of it’s familiarity.

So, there you have it. My wishes for you this holiday season and for the New Year: Keep the traditions, give the priceless gifts, and grow the wealth of gratitude in your bank of life.

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. -Marcel Proust